I've reached a sort of stablilty in daemianism. I'm past the point of the overexited newb who gets butterflies in anticipation of reading another analysis. I know who I am, I've got almost nowhere left to go with myself.

And, although I didn't think that it would turn out this way, I'm not bored at all. I expected this point to be a dead end, to make me look for something else. But it's not. It's rather like a new, calm begining. Not something that captures you and takes up your every though or something that you think much about at all about, but something that seems right. In some intangible way, my entire life is falling slowly and calmly into place.

I no longer need to worry about settling. I don't need to feel guilty when I don't project Sefra enough. I wake up, I say goodmorning to him. Maybe I project him during the day, maybe I don't. Maybe we talk more, maybe we just enjoy each other's company. I get in bed, say goodnight, and he's with me in my dreams.

It's a very low-pressure relationship. We're not obligated to talk, because there's nothing else to discover. We know who we are and why we're here, and that's good enough for both of us.

I used to worry that it was strange to talk to Sefra. I used to worry that I wouldn't find my form, that there wouldn't be one. And now, for the life of me, I can't think why.

Sefra is who he is exactly as I am who I am. If we talk, good. If we don't, fine. But I know that this is how I'm meant to be. I feel whole.

Memories

Memories are odd things when you're a daemian. At least, they are for me. You've got your solid, "real" memories that are exactly as you remember them (which may not be exactly as they happened, but are pretty close), and then you have daemon memories.

Daemon memories are memories of what your daemon was doing in you daemonless past, times when the two of you weren't communicating as daemon and human. They're not something that you can be sure of. But then, can you be sure of any memories?

According to my daemon memories, Sef used to swim around in the bath with me as a little fish. I used to love baths, and taking my toy animals for a swim, and he would swim about with them so that I could be closer to them.

Karl Jung might call that active imagination. Though that, so far as I know, applies to dreams, not memories. But I suppose dreams and memories aren't to dissimilar. They're both things that you can revisit again and a again, and change ever so slightly. I suppose that's what I'm doing. And the change isn't that drastic, because it all stays in my head. Dreams and memories are things of the mind, as are daemons, so it's not so unrealistic that they be added in.

This post is becoming extremely convoluted, so I think I'll stop. Perhaps I'll start a topic on TDF about daemon memories. It would be interesting to see how many other people have them.