I've reached a sort of stablilty in daemianism. I'm past the point of the overexited newb who gets butterflies in anticipation of reading another analysis. I know who I am, I've got almost nowhere left to go with myself.

And, although I didn't think that it would turn out this way, I'm not bored at all. I expected this point to be a dead end, to make me look for something else. But it's not. It's rather like a new, calm begining. Not something that captures you and takes up your every though or something that you think much about at all about, but something that seems right. In some intangible way, my entire life is falling slowly and calmly into place.

I no longer need to worry about settling. I don't need to feel guilty when I don't project Sefra enough. I wake up, I say goodmorning to him. Maybe I project him during the day, maybe I don't. Maybe we talk more, maybe we just enjoy each other's company. I get in bed, say goodnight, and he's with me in my dreams.

It's a very low-pressure relationship. We're not obligated to talk, because there's nothing else to discover. We know who we are and why we're here, and that's good enough for both of us.

I used to worry that it was strange to talk to Sefra. I used to worry that I wouldn't find my form, that there wouldn't be one. And now, for the life of me, I can't think why.

Sefra is who he is exactly as I am who I am. If we talk, good. If we don't, fine. But I know that this is how I'm meant to be. I feel whole.

Memories

Memories are odd things when you're a daemian. At least, they are for me. You've got your solid, "real" memories that are exactly as you remember them (which may not be exactly as they happened, but are pretty close), and then you have daemon memories.

Daemon memories are memories of what your daemon was doing in you daemonless past, times when the two of you weren't communicating as daemon and human. They're not something that you can be sure of. But then, can you be sure of any memories?

According to my daemon memories, Sef used to swim around in the bath with me as a little fish. I used to love baths, and taking my toy animals for a swim, and he would swim about with them so that I could be closer to them.

Karl Jung might call that active imagination. Though that, so far as I know, applies to dreams, not memories. But I suppose dreams and memories aren't to dissimilar. They're both things that you can revisit again and a again, and change ever so slightly. I suppose that's what I'm doing. And the change isn't that drastic, because it all stays in my head. Dreams and memories are things of the mind, as are daemons, so it's not so unrealistic that they be added in.

This post is becoming extremely convoluted, so I think I'll stop. Perhaps I'll start a topic on TDF about daemon memories. It would be interesting to see how many other people have them.

Conversions

I feel that an update on my "conversions" is in order. Conversions to what, you may ask? Why, conversions to the wonderful way of thought of daemianism.

I've got... one, two... five, maybe six conversions (one of them an indirect one). My circle of friends now includes and otter soul, a semisettled (?) axolotl soul, a pink dolphin soul, and a couple of I'venoideahelp! souls. Ah, my herd is growing.

I'm also firmly cemented into my life as an elk. I can hardly remember how I used to psychoanalyse myself. Now, my life is one big elk analogy.

And Sef never changes, anymore. It just feels odd. I was a bit afraid that we'd want to change too much, and might not feel settled. A strange fear, I know, and completely groundless. We're very happy.

The weekend before last we went out to see the closest elk to us. We saw 40 or so, but twice as many rednecks drooling for hunting season. I was wondering why the bulls looked so small until i realised that they're shot down every year but a bunch of hicks.

I do apologize to any elk hunters out there, but I don't have much sympathy for you. And when I see pictures of Sarah Palin with her little toddler dancing around a bloodied caribou in the snow, I'm positively sickened. Our world can be such a strange place. It's one thing to hunt to live, but when there's cheap meat and (even better) fake meat to be had by any middle class family, why should we go blow the brains out of some wild animals? Sport? I wouldn't call that sporting in a million years.

Well, here I go on my vegetarian tirade. I was raised by a pack of hippie liberals, so you'll have to excuse me.

Fanfare!

Huzzah for discoveries! I found this little jewel of a thread on TDF http://daemonpage.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=6864&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=predator+prey&start=15
The Predator/Prey Thread!

Yes, yes. So, the more I read, the more convinced that my soul is both predatory and prey. I've got traits of both. And so, with this miraculous find, I am one tiny step closer to self-discovery and settlement! Cheer!

Quasi-Settledom

So, it's been a while since my last post, and Sefra has kept his banded form this whole time. The one exception was when we visited the aquarium. He had fun trying out the shapes of all the different fish.

But we like this form. It's by no means permanent, but I think it will be stable for a while. I might think that it could be our settled form, but I still don't feel completely right with it. I love banded mongooses, but there's just something about them that doesn't feel like a perfect fit. I don't know what it is. Anyway, we're content for now.

I've also discovered that my closest cousin is also a dæmian. When we'd talked about it, I'd always assumed that dæmianism was something that interested her, but not much else. Now, though, she actually visualizes her dæmon and talks to him (though she still uses a name that I suggested for him when I was half asleep). So, I sent her some links to dæmon analyses, and she came up with a massive list of forms that, apparently, fit her. Obviously not settled. Malchior (or Malchoir to her) likes to be an oversized golden albino axolotl.

No Settlement for Me

Ok, ok. I'll admit that thinking that I was settled was a bit naïve. But, hey, it just goes to show what seven days on the Dæmon Forum can do to you.

So, Sef has gotten much better at trying different forms. It still scares us a bit that his personality changes with each new form. I guess it's all in ow we perceive the animal. Our favorite forms are still the grey cat and fish, but we've also been trying the Banded mongoose. Greylag goose is also a cool one. I love geese so much. He still doesn't like the idea of being as big as a bongo is, but there's one forum member who's convinced that that's what we are. We'll see.

I don't usually go to the zoo, but I want to go see the Banded mongooses. Apparently they have them at the zoo here. It would be great to see more than pictures.

Banded Mongoose

I think that my certainty of being settled has gone down. Of course, I may be, but I'm still young. Either way, it doesn't worry me. I can just go with the flow and enjoy trying different forms. I posted a Reverse Analysis on the Dæmon Forum, just for the hell of it, and actually came up with some cool results. One person said lion, but changed her mind, another suggested kudu or bongo, but most agreed that I sounded like a mongoose.

It's funny, because I told my cousin that she seemed mongoose-like to me, but we are really similar. I looked up the description for one of the more sociable mongooses, the Banded Mongoose. It's actually very accurate.


Able to live just fine in a fair range of conditions -Get lethargic in hot weather (...like most of the world, I suppose)
Don't seem to be real fond of the heat at all
Gregarious
You like crowds and being around other people NOT ALWAYS
Tend to follow/be part of a small, core group within the larger
Easily recognise your friends and know all about 'em
Hierarchal
Tend to respect people based on their age, assertiveness and presence
Get along well with children
Considered small, whether that be physically or otherwise (>3) NO
Distinctive, but strangers don't always have an immediately positive reaction towards you
Participate actively in wooing your loved one, whether you be male or female
Happy enough to make use of what's available to avoid extra work, but only if you think it's suitable
Like having company in difficult stages
Cooperate very well with your friends, happily sharing tasks and duties without complaint
Very careful and protective of things that matter to you, but you have good reason for it - you've had bad experiences with losses
Like to do a few things individually; need a little time alone every now and then
Like to poke and dig around and see what comes up
Tend to have a vaguely systematic work method
Not an aggressive person; you respect authority too much to cause trouble
Show a kind and caring attitude towards all people, regardless of differences
Strong sense of community
Prefer to flee when sensing danger, but if that's not possible then you immediately turn to your friends for assistance
Like to keep in contact with your mates, even over long distances
Nomadic, like travelling; you like change in general, really, though you will often return to old favourites
Not terribly subtle; will often take the strong, straight-on approach if that will get you what you want SORT OF
Careful nature, and like to make sure everything is safe

Changeling

I've been reading that some people's dæmons are definitely settled, but still change form, even for long periods of time. I'd love for Sef to change form sometimes, so I've been trying to make him. He's ok about it, sort of, but it still feels weird. It doesn't feel like Sef. Maye it's because he's only ever been Sef as one of two types of cats. He's been a fish in the bathtub before, and that was ok, but we weren't being serious about it. I really don't know what I mean by that.

I'd like him to be able to change so that I can visualize him more often. Running up stairs with a slow little kitty isn't so convenient. And Sef's default pose is lying with his paws curled in front of him. He doesn't like to move much. But we've tried out a few forms. Actually, they've all been grey. Maybe that's some kind of subconscious effort on my part to help him feel more comfortable as more things. We've tried our fish (a little silver one with some kind of spot on its side), a Hooded crow (black with grey, and one we know well), a shikra once or twice, and a grey goose. The goose is the one that he freaks out least as.

I should probably stop pushing him, the poor guy. If we're both comfortable with a cat, then we can stay like that. But you can't go swimming with a little fluffball.

Writing Exercises

Lots of people talk about writing out conversations with their dæmons, but I actually never have until now. I always thought, while I would have loved to, that Sef wouldn’t be able to vocalize enough to have a conversation in words, as opposed to feeling. Once again, though, he’s proven me wrong. Turns out Sef does have a lot to say.

I think this latest conversation (typed out on MS Notepad) was the first time that he called me by my name, too. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I’m always the one talking, and he seldom has to get my attention, so there was never a time when he needed or had much opportunity to say my name. I don’t know why, but that really got me. I was close to tears. Maybe I’m PMSing, or something.

Family's Dæmons

I've tried to lay a finger on my family's dæmons for years. I think I have most of them down (the most important ones, anyway), it's difficult to tell.

Mom- my mom's dæmon would be some kind of canine. I'm thinking domestic, but I'm still not sure. Probably a light reddish color with ears that stand up. Something like a red husky.

Dad- a type of owl, one of the brown ones.

Cousin (my age)- probably a mongoose, or stoat.

Cousin (a year younger)- unsettled. Leaning towards parrot, maybe.

Oma- a pig. She just loves pigs, and even if she doesn't fit the typical pig "type", I think that's what her dæmon would be.

Opa- some type of bird. Probably owl as well.

Uncle (Dad's side)- owl, I should say.

Uncle (Mom's side, younger)- domestic dog? Pitty or something scary.

Aunt (Mom's side)- a groundhog, or something similar.

Aunt (Dad's side)- something pretty and calming, like a rabbit, or a loon.

Thoughts on Form

Many daemians are of the opinion that a daemon’s form has some symbolic and definitive meaning as to the daemian’s character. Now, I wouldn’t shoot that argument down entirely. There is, I’m sure, a reason why an introvert’s daemon is a dove, rather than a peacock. But can you really tell so much about a person by examining their daemon?

Animals, themselves, don’t have human personalities. Each species, of course, has its own characteristics and habits that may lend to a perception of a collective personality (except in the case of a sponge), but this is incredibly general. Each individual of the species, if the specie’s development is enough to allow it, has its own distinctive personality, just like humans do.

Can you, then, to assign a personality type to a type of animal? Given, a gorilla will be much more violent than a hedgehog, but a silverback male will generally be more violent than a female member of his herd.

So I guess I have an opinion in the middle of two views on symbolism. A cat fits me for several reasons: independence, spontaneity, loyalty, expression. But, then again, cats are so different. No two are alike, as any cat owner could tell you. So then, what is the point in comparing me to the personality of Sef’s form when there can be no definitive personality.

Maybe it’s easier to generalize with wild animals, who haven’t been made more human by a domestic setting. Domestic cats, now, have no habitat. They may be living in a posh penthouse, or in a dumpster. Maybe that has something to do with my inability to pin their “personality” down. Or maybe it’s just that I’m too much of a realist about animals to get caught up in that. Who knows?

Personalities

Sef and I took the Jungian personality tests, and the results came out just as expected. I'm the "counselor", INFJ, while Sef is the "mastermind", INTJ. My dad's an INTJ, too.

For those of you not familiar with Jung's personality system, mine stands for "Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging" while Sef's is "Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging".

Picture of Pseudo-Sef

I was browsing petfinder.com (as I often do when bored), and I decided to look for a picture of a cat who looks sort of like Sefra. Here's what I found, it's actually a lot like him, but his eyes are greener than the cat in the picture's. Maybe I'll photoshop it, or something.

Sefra: In Five Letters

And so, we come to the timeless question; What's in a name?

Sef's settled form (or what I take it to be, he agrees) is that of a grey-striped house cat. Medium fur, whitish chest and belly, dark-grey stripes on a medium-grey coat, green eyes. Nothing big, nothing that says SHAZZAM! Just Sef as he is and will be. For a few hours as he was settling he was a deep faun Somali, but that didn't seem to work well enough. Sefra, as a name, goes better with the Somali, though, I think.

You'd think a name like Sefra would go with some exotic Ancient Egyptian temple cat, who got mummified and then dipped in gold and jewels. But he's just my Sef. So, considering that, I have no idea why he's Sef.

He's watching the mockingbirds land on the garden fencing, now. There's a pair of them that lives along our walk home. They sing most of the day, but when the chicks were hatched they screamed quite impressively. And now they're forming a conspiracy with the starlings to eat all of our tomatoes.

I've been a great fan of Ancient Egypt since I was seven or so, and I made Sef a cartouche online.

Sefra's Human

Well, here I am: Sefra's Human. I've (or we've) been inspired by all the dæmian's blogs out there and, as I've found writing to be the best way to express myself, have decided to make one for myself and Sef.

So, some history. The question of when I "discovered" Sef is a tough one. Of course, like any kid with an over-active imagination, I had scores of imaginary friends. As I don't have any siblings, they were some of my only playmates. I honestly can't remember many of them, and I'm pretty sure that most of them weren't animals. As the daughter of a die-hard animal rights activist, it was always clear to me that animals were very different from human friends. Of course, I had imaginary pets, along with the dozens of real ones, but it wasn't until I read Pullman that I had anyone like the conventional daemon.

When I was in my Pullman craze (sometime in late Elementary school), my dæmon's name was Roger, and he was a butter-colored mouse. I suppose that the idea of a dæmon has always appealed to me so much, even when I didn't really take them seriously, because of the allure of a more human animal. An animal that had all of the elements of an animal, but could talk to you, and call you by your name, and tell you that they loved you by doing more than wagging their tale or blinking just so.

Thus was I introduced to dæmons. Of course, back then it was only a kid's game to me, not a real projection of my subconscious. But it was still fascinating, probably the most fascinating thing I'd come across since Tolkien and C.S. Lewis.

I had a totem phase, too, and several attempts to settle my dæmon. That's what I call them now. I think I really started talking to "Roger" again just before the "Golden Compass" movie came out. I had started reading "His Dark Materials" again and was, once again, enraptured by the idea of the dæmon.

Maybe it was that I was more mature and Sef had already settled, but it became more real to me. Even when I was a kid, Roger wasn't real in some back corner of my head. Maybe Sef still isn't all the way real to me, now. All I know is that he makes me feel whole. I know it sounds corny and fake, but I'm totally at ease when I'm talking to him. No more worrying about how I appear to people or how I look, or any of those things that we, as human, inherently must worry about. I just feel like me, exactly as I want me to be.