Thursday, November 6, 2008

I've reached a sort of stablilty in daemianism. I'm past the point of the overexited newb who gets butterflies in anticipation of reading another analysis. I know who I am, I've got almost nowhere left to go with myself.

And, although I didn't think that it would turn out this way, I'm not bored at all. I expected this point to be a dead end, to make me look for something else. But it's not. It's rather like a new, calm begining. Not something that captures you and takes up your every though or something that you think much about at all about, but something that seems right. In some intangible way, my entire life is falling slowly and calmly into place.

I no longer need to worry about settling. I don't need to feel guilty when I don't project Sefra enough. I wake up, I say goodmorning to him. Maybe I project him during the day, maybe I don't. Maybe we talk more, maybe we just enjoy each other's company. I get in bed, say goodnight, and he's with me in my dreams.

It's a very low-pressure relationship. We're not obligated to talk, because there's nothing else to discover. We know who we are and why we're here, and that's good enough for both of us.

I used to worry that it was strange to talk to Sefra. I used to worry that I wouldn't find my form, that there wouldn't be one. And now, for the life of me, I can't think why.

Sefra is who he is exactly as I am who I am. If we talk, good. If we don't, fine. But I know that this is how I'm meant to be. I feel whole.

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